yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
