Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
