i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
