Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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