I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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