there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
