I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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