"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
