three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
