Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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