He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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