was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
