my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
