I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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