Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize