I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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