Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
