I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
