If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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