i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
