Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
