You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
