I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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