seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
