All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
