I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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