He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
