she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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