I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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