i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
