My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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