My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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