Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
