My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
