i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
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