Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
