She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
