MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
