For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have already put on my inside pants.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
