I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
