i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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