I'm jealous of your bromance
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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