the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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