I never want to see another naked old woman again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
