Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize