I skipped work to stalk him.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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