Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
