im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
