If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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