she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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