I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
