This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
