We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
