i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
