bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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