Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
