I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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