took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize