I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my liver is dry heaving
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
