I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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