just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
