Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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