We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize