I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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