There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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