Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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