you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize