maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
