"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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