you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
